*PASSALONG

What type of bread for tashlich works best for YOUR sins?

On Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah) there is a ceremony called Tashlich where Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a warm stream or cold river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins.
Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.

For ordinary sins.....................White Bread
For erotic sins.........................French Bread
For particularly dark sins..........Pumpernickel
For complex sins.....................Multigrain
For twisted sins.......................Pretzels
For tasteless sins....................Rice Cakes
For sins of indecision...............Waffles
For sins committed in haste.....Matzoh
For sins of chutzpah................Fresh Bread
For substance abuse...............Stoned Wheat
For use of heavy drugs.............Poppy Seed
For shady political donations.....................Stollen
For committing auto theft.........Caraway
For timidity/cowardice..............Milk Toast
For ill-temperedness................Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity.........Nut Bread
For not giving full value.............Shortbread
For jingoism, chauvinism..........Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony..................Rye Bread
For unnecessary chances........Hero Bread
For war-mongering...................Kaiser Rolls
For dressing immodestly..........Tarts
For causing injury to others......Tortes
For lechery and promiscuity.....Hot Buns
For promiscuity with gentiles....Hot Cross Buns
For racist attitudes..................Crackers
For sophisticated racism..........Ritz Crackers
For being holier than thou.........Bagels
For abrasiveness.....................Grits
For dropping in without notice...Popovers
For overeating.........................Stuffing
For impetuosity.......................Quick Bread
For indecent photography.........Cheesecake
For raising your voice too often...Challah
For pride and egotism...............Puff Pastry
For sycophancy, ass-kissing.....Brownies
For being overly smothering.......Angel Food Cake
For laziness.............................Any long loaf
For telling bad jokes/puns........Corn Bread
For substance abuse/marijuana - Stoned Wheat
For substance abuse/heavy drugs - Poppy Seed
For arson - Toast
For high-handedness - Napoleons
For being sulky - Sourdough
For silliness - Nut Bread
For war-mongering - Kaiser Rolls
For promiscuity - Hot Buns
For being holier-than-thou - Bagels
For snobbery - Upper Crusts
For indecent photography - Cheesecake
For trashing the environment - Dumplings
For being hypercritical - Pancakes
For political skullduggery - Bismarcks
For over-eating - Stuffing Bread or Bulky Rolls
For gambling - Fortune Cookies
For pride - Puff Pastry
For not giving full value - Shortbread
For risking one's life unnecessarily - Hero Bread
For rearing children incompetently - Raisin Bread
For immodest parliamentary behavior - Tarts
For hardening our hearts - Jelly Doughnuts
For excessive use of irony - Rye Bread
For larceny (especially of copyrighted material) - Stollen

Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.

For those (politicians and journalists) who require a wide selection of crumbs, an attempt will be made to have pre-packaged Taschlikh Mix available in three grades (Taschlikh Lite, Medium, and Industrial Strength) at Officemax digital stores everywhere.

*'Passalongs' are those e-mails you get from co-workers and friends. They seem plausible but their origins (and veracity) have been lost in countless generations of forwarding.

Kollector of Throwaway Crumbs