Saturday, June 27, 2026

A philosopher’s 5 tips on how to become the most likeable person in the room

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Don't reek of onions or take up too much space.

Five sociable gnomes with red hats sit and stand around a wooden bench in a snowy outdoor setting, appearing to share drinks and conversation near a rocky cave.
Thorvald Rasmussen / Public Domain / Artvee

A philosophy column for personal reflection.

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It is a privilege to be antisocial. 

Let’s go back 10,000 years and check in on humanity. While a few communities around the Fertile Crescent have decided it’s a good idea to stay put and grow plants, most people are free-roaming citizens of nowhere. Humans are a nomadic, pack-based species that travel in groups of roughly 20 to 50, hunting animals and gathering wild food. Summers mean long days hunting and preparing because winters are cold, hungry, and dangerousThe clans, tribes, and families roam the landscape, helping each other out. Give Clive a bit of rest, he’s broken his toe. Let Erica have a bigger cut of deer; she’s just found out she’s pregnant. Everyone helps each other because that’s what you do when it’s you against the world. In the Neolithic world of yesterday, people often tried to be prosocial.

Except for Ralph. Ralph is an unquestionable asshole. He hides extra food in his sack, and he cried with laughter when Clive dropped that rock on his toe. “It’s your own fault for getting pregnant,” he tells Erica, as he claws back her extra slice of meat.

Now imagine that, one day, Ralph eats the wrong berries and he’s almost comatose from a dreadful dysentery. The group gets together, and all agree: Ralph’s an unquestionable asshole. Let’s leave Ralph behind.

To be antisocial is a luxury because we no longer live in a world that quite so obviously depends on the pack. Of course, with welfare states and human rights, Ralph would probably make it through and live a long, if somewhat friendless, life. Today, the issue is not so much one of life or death but of advantage and support. We need to be friendly and sociable to make everything a bit easier.

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In his 1751 work, An Enquiry Concerning the Principles of Morals, the philosopher David Hume argued that being well-liked is important not only because it feels good but because it reduces social friction. We need prosocial, amiable, cooperative people because it makes everything just a little less rubbish. And so, Hume spent a few months working out his ideas about how to become likable.

Here are his five tips for fitting in and getting along.

The mutual sacrifice of ego

For Hume, humans are naturally proud and prone to ego. We’ve all got a bit of Ralph in us. But if everyone acted on this natural impulse to be the most important person in the room, society would become intolerable. It would become unworkable. And so, Hume argued that we need good manners.

Good manners aren’t just those socially constricting Victorian pleasantries we laugh at on Netflix. No corsets or starched collars required. Good manners are a system of mutual deference. It’s when you signal to others that you are temporarily setting aside your own ego to make space for theirs.

So, don’t talk too much. Don’t make everything about you. Ask questions, be curious, and let someone else take up the space instead.

Take things lightly

We like to be around people who make us laugh and keep us entertained. Being able to joke a bit and make light of big things prevents social interaction from becoming a tedious chore. If we constantly dreaded the company of other people, we’d want to avoid them. We’d all be forced into a Ralph-like assholery simply because being left to die of dysentery is better than long, boring hours of seriousness.

As Hume put it, cheerfulness “carries great merit with it, and naturally conciliates the goodwill of mankind.” A light-hearted conversationalist sparks “the flame that spreads through the whole circle.”

So, learn how to tell a good story and how to keep a conversation flowing. Make a joke. It’s what makes being around other people more than just a prehistoric necessity of survival.

Let others shine

Few things are more universally repellent than arrogance. Hume thinks that excessive and unrelenting vanity is so disagreeable because it directly threatens the vanity of others. In other words, when we celebrate our own beauty, success, power, wealth, or whatever, it makes other people feel worse. We feel ugly, weak, poor, unsuccessful, and so on.

A likeable person carries with them an authentic modesty. This does not mean self-hatred or false humility, but rather a quiet confidence that does not demand constant validation.

Admit your shortcomings, make fun of a past mistake, compliment others on who they are or what they do.

The Scottish Confucian

More than 2,000 years before Hume, the Chinese philosopher Confucius argued that one of the cardinal virtues was Li, or social propriety. Li is that sense of knowing how to read the room and act in a way that fits the context. We play the role required of us at that time. It’s not “two-faced” to talk a certain way to a certain person — it’s a part of being human. If Confucius is right, it’s part of being a great human.

Hume agreed. He points out that behavior perfectly suited for a young person might look foolish in an elder — “How do you do, fellow kids!” Likewise, the bawdy, screaming humor of the tavern is probably inappropriate at a solemn gathering. No drinking games in the emergency room.

The likeable person is highly attuned to their environment and adjusts their frequency to match the room they are in. They change their behaviour and conversation with “a proper regard to age, sex, character, and station in the world.”

Wash your clothes now and again

It sounds surprisingly basic for a philosophical treatise, but Hume explicitly lists physical cleanliness as a virtue immediately agreeable to others.

These days, with modern plumbing and vast-scale manufacturing, most of us can have a warm shower and lather our hair now and then. We can buy deodorant, soap, and toothpaste on a quick trip to the store. Hume’s day was different. If you were to be around other people, you should do your best not to reek.

But while the standards have certainly improved, there is a wider point to acknowledge here: the physicality of our interactions. When you are talking with someone, you are in the same space as them. Yes, this means you shouldn’t smell of onions if you can avoid it. You shouldn’t fart, burp, or scratch your privates. But it also means you shouldn’t take up so much room as to cramp the people next to you. I once knew someone — never really a friend — who would be constantly moving. He’d shadow box while others were talking or even spin on the spot. Whether it’s cocaine or your natural energy, try to think about others’ physical space.

None of this is about being fake. It’s about remembering we’re still pack animals — just with better hygiene. So, set your ego aside, lighten up, let others shine, read the room, and have a wash. If you do all that, nobody’s leaving you behind with dysentery.

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Alex Mitchell on KPMG


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  • “Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.”
  •  — Ruth E. Renkel







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When I started this company together with my wife, I said we got to become a very very small company. Why? Because we are going to put so much effort into each and every assignment that nobody’s going to pay for it. So we are not going to grow any. Now almost 40 years later, we have the very best customers. We have customers in 43 countries. We do typesetting in Chinese and Japanese. Why? Well, because we take care. We do our very best every 



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Is the Commonwealth Seniors Health Card worth it and do we qualify?

Is the Commonwealth Seniors Health Card worth it and do we qualify?

The Commonwealth Seniors Health Card extends lower cost health and medical services enjoyed by government age pensioners to self-funded retirees.
Q: My retired husband, 71, believes we have too many assets for the Commonwealth Seniors Health Card and doubts it’s worth the effort of finding out. I am 64 and don’t yet qualify. He has $2.38 million in super, of which $2.2 million is in pension phase. I understand only super in pension phase counts towards the deeming test. On adjusted taxable income, he earns about $2500 in dividends (after franking) plus about $10,000 in bank interest a year. I work part-time and earn about $16,000 a year untaxed, plus dividends of $7000 after franking. I have $2.5 million in super, of which $880,000 is in pension phase. We have no major health issues, but who knows what the future holds? – Anne
A: The first thing to tell your husband is that the Commonwealth Seniors Health Card has no asset test. Eligibility turns on income tests and not asset wealth. On the figures you’ve given, Perth financial planner David McGregor says he could well qualify.
The Commonwealth Seniors Health Card income tests count two things: your adjusted taxable income, plus deemed income from any account-based pensions. Bethany Rae
McGregor, a director at Bruining Partners, puts it plainly: while he is right in one respect – you do have substantial assets – this isn’t the key test for card eligibility.
The CSHC income tests count two things: your adjusted taxable income, plus deemed income from any account-based pensions. Adjusted taxable income is broadly your taxable income with some items added back – like salary-sacrificed super, net investment losses and the like. Your husband’s $10,000 of bank interest simply counts as ordinary income. One wrinkle, though, is that franking credits are grossed up, so a $700 franked dividend counts as $1000.
By contrast, deemed income is based on a formula where Centrelink assumes your account-based pensions earn a set return – currently 1.25 per cent on the first $106,200 of a couple’s combined assets and 3.25 per cent above that – regardless of what it actually 

Acccumulation-phase super is ignored by both measures, as is the family home so, of your combined $4.88 million, roughly $1.8 million sits in accumulation, invisible to the test.

As far as your pensions are concerned, because the CSHC income test for a couple is combined, your account-based pensions are added together and deemed. The only escape is grandfathering – a pension started before January 1, 2015 and held by a continuous cardholder since – which cannot help a new applicant, so your $880,000 is counted alongside his $2.2 million.
That makes your deemable pool $3.08 million. Applying the current rates – 1.25 per cent on the first $106,200, then 3.25 per cent on the remaining $2.97 million – the deemed income works out at roughly $98,000. Add your actual adjusted taxable income – about $39,000 once dividends are grossed up – and your combined assessable income is about $137,000, comfortably under the $161,768 couple threshold.
McGregor, running his own numbers, lands at $134,126 and the same verdict. “Even though you are not eligible, the couple test still applies,” he says. On his calculation, “your husband would be eligible for the concession card”. He sits more than $24,000 under the cut-off.
Three things to keep in mind. First, Centrelink works off your latest tax return and super statements, so the figures move with them. Second, the deeming rise that occurred on March 20, 2026 matters: after years frozen, the rates have risen twice, most recently to 1.25 per cent and 3.25 per cent. McGregor agrees future increases in the deeming rates could reduce the level of funds you can hold in your pensions and still get the concession card.
Third, at 64 you cannot hold the card yourself yet, but your husband can apply now, and you will qualify on your own account at 67. And if one of you were to die, the survivor is tested against the much lower single threshold of $101,105, which the income on these balances would exceed.
McGregor is blunt: “Those thresholds for a single person are pretty rough. They don’t give a lot more from the government than what a couple get. When we pay tax, we’re treated as an individual, but when we apply for social security, we’re a couple – the government cherry-picks.”
Regarding your husband’s doubts, for a healthy couple the card is worth modest money: its main benefit is cheaper Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme medicines, where concession holders pay $7.70 a script against the $25 general rate. A couple filling 30 scripts a year might save about $500.
Where the card really earns its keep is the PBS safety net, which caps a concession holder’s medicine bill at $277.20 a year and then makes every script above that free for the rest of the year – so the card’s value climbs steeply if serious illness ever arrives.
Two Medicare extras do the same job. The card nudges doctors toward bulk billing (still their own call) and lowers your Extended Medicare Safety Net threshold. This is a separate net for out-of-hospital fees that doctors and specialists charge.
Once those fees hit $861 – about $1800 below the threshold for those without a concession card – Medicare refunds 80 per cent of future costs. There are state concessions too, such as the $200 NSW seniors energy rebate, aimed squarely at self-funded retirees who hold the card.
There is, however, a superannuation tax-related twist, when it comes to your pensions. While your husband’s pension is maximised at $2.2 million, your pension is different. Depending on the transfer balance cap when you started your pension, a significant proportion of the $1.6 million difference between your pension and your total super – perhaps $1 million – could go towards starting another pension.
The CSHC catch is that the money moved into the pension is then deemed, lifting your combined income, so the very step that saves tax could cost your husband his card. On McGregor’s estimate the saving could run to around $9000 a year, many times what the card is worth.
“Consider moving more funds into pension phase to optimise your overall position,” says McGregor. “With the tax savings, you can shout your husband a holiday instead.”
In other words, the quirk that helps him qualify is also a hint that money may be sitting in the wrong place. For a healthy couple, $9000 of tax saved comfortably beats a few hundred dollars of healthcare concessions.
John Wasiliev is a veteran SMSF specialist and has provided answers to readers’ questions on superannuation for decades. Have a super question you’d like answered? Email John at superquestions@afr.com