Mail chauvinism
August 16 2002



Is that your inbox bulging? Virginia Matthews examines the new gender divide as emails rewrite the world of office politics.

Far from simplifying communications between the genders, the advent of remote communications has simply widened the chasm, says Monica Seeley, who believes that when it comes to email, men and women really are from Mars and Venus.

Seeley, the founder of the British-based Mesmo Consultancy which helps senior executives with the tricky world of IT and e-commerce, says in her forthcoming book, Managing in the World of Email, that as with other things in life, size matters for men with a "never-mind-the-quality, feel-the-width" approach to their bulging inboxes.

Brainwashed into believing that touch-typing is for women, most men are unable to type using more than two fingers. As a result, emails from men tend to be short, and are often one-liners. By contrast, women take more care, writing and rewriting and agonising over the impact of messages before committing them to cyberspace.

Seeley says the quantity of emails received in any day has for men become "the modern equivalent of what was once termed meetings one-upmanship". The more you receive, the more important you are considered and the more status you are accorded by colleagues. More than 100 emails a day equals rising star or senior manager, while fewer than 10 signifies office worm or non-player.

To play office politics effectively, says Seeley, "those with overflowing inboxes should advertise the fact to colleagues, and moan loudly about the time spent dealing with them". Those who receive fewer than 10 a day should lie.


Like meetings, most emails are a waste of time, with only a few containing critical information. Seeley adds that practically all the messages sent to men will be deleted within minutes of receipt. "While women hoard the 'nice-to-receive' mail, and file anything else remotely useful, men just get rid of everything, including the stuff they really need. Senior managers pleading with technical staff to help them recapture inadvertently deleted data is a common occurrence among men, but the problem is far rarer with women."

But while men's emails are seen as efficient and concise, women who adopt a more time-efficient, male style are dismissed as cold and even authoritarian, according to Seeley's research. "Although most women are naturally more chatty in email, I am meeting many senior women who prefer to ape men's more staccato e-messaging style. The problem is that when women send off minimalist messages they are seen as authoritarian rather than efficient."

Brian Sutton, an information communication technology director at Learn Direct, which offers computer-based courses, says women's emails tend to take longer to write, but denote greater emotional intelligence. "Like management style, a woman's email persona will be less confrontational, less point-scoring and less nakedly ambitious than a man's, but it will also be more human and communicative."

Sutton admits to adopting a different email approach if his recipient is female ("I take more care when I'm sending to a woman in case I hurt her feelings"), but castigates the brutality of male-to-male message styles: "Men shoot from the hip and send ridiculously confrontational emails before thinking through the impact they may have. They are more likely to vent their spleen via email and may even, by being too hasty, trigger an all-out email war with colleagues."

But Ruth Bishop, a human resources director at Securitas Security Services, says women are just as bad as men at "bickering by email". Although she encourages staff to sort out their differences face-to-face, they continue to squabble and fight electronically. "Part of the problem is that people expect things to magically happen or be resolved just because an email has been sent telling someone to do something. While emailing may make the sender feel efficient, the recipient often fails to be moved."

Although few workers would wish to dispense with the convenience of email, Sutton detects a return to face-to-face communication, or letter, in many workplaces - especially among women. "Men are lazier and therefore like the time they save with email, but women often prefer to use the telephone or see people's reaction to things face-to-face. They also appreciate personal notes and letters when they have excelled themselves."

After taking part in an email management workshop, Bishop went on "email strike" to encourage her colleagues to rely less on email. This failed dismally.

But she agrees with Sutton that men are "lazier" senders and users than women. "Men abbreviate in emails too much and, being skim readers, may fail to read to the end of their messages. Which means that you are forced to add to the email mountain by sending the whole thing again."

Emails are a useful tool for routine work and office gossip, but inappropriate for praising or disciplining a colleague. And, adds Seeley, men should remember that "email really is no substitute for real life".