Pondering The Shadow Government

We realize that the shadow government, like all Cold War concepts, is inherently an extremely bureaucratic response to something of unimaginable horror. Bureaucracies are brilliant at self-preserving. Washington might be destroyed, thousands killed, beloved landmarks and national shrines and beautiful old neighborhoods wiped out, but, thanks to the shadow government, the Department of Commerce would still function.

And then we get slightly miffed, feeling overlooked. The White House has created a shadow Executive Branch but, to date, no shadow Congress or shadow Judiciary or shadow Smithsonian Institution or shadow Expense Account Restaurant. Nor are there any shadow Gotcha Journalists or shadow Smarmy Lobbyists or shadow Protesters Championing Lost Causes or shadow Tourists Inexplicably Lined Up at the Hard Rock Cafe. There are no shadow Exploding Manhole Covers. There are no shadow Former Gators.

If the government really wants to replace Washington it needs to expand this "shadow" thing by a factor of 10. But it has to be careful that it doesn't make the shadow government too big, because then we would once again have created something so valuable and important that we couldn't risk its destruction by terrorists – and we'd have to create, as a backup, a shadow shadow government.

a shadow shadow government